Last updated 21:59, Wednesday, 13 August 2008

LAST week Hawick’s local paper had an article on this year’s Langholm Common Riding.

Regular contributor to the Hawick News, writing under the name of Westender, the writer tells how he spent the last Friday in July “doon throw the tunnel for the Muckle Toon’s Common Riding”.

No comparison is made to Hawick’s own Common Riding but a glowing picture is painted in words – braid Hawick yins at that.

He’d got here in time “to sei the Cornet git the flag an’ watch the first cryin’ o’ the fair”, which he describes in these words “the boy stood up on the back o’ a horse an’ shouted eet oot ti the packed streets”.

“Then a watched the chase.

Mei what a steep hill they galloped up, a was fair jiggert juist watchin’ thum.

No es jiggert es A was yince a’d clim’ up ti the monument ti watch the horses gaun roond threi times mind.

A was sweetin’ buckets.

Mun it’s huge thone monument.

It’s the first time A’d been up ti’d an’ frae the road it looks big, bit when eer right underneath eet, it’s massive”.

The writer tells of returning to the town and sampling some Barley Bannock.

“It was right guid.

Somebody says it was made in Hawick tae.

Mind A wasni si keen on the sa’teed herrin’, bit a suppose that’s juist a mitter o’ taste.”

“There was a team o’ helpers wi green ties on, whae duin various jobs frae cairy’in’ the emblems ti dishin’ oot the sa’teed herrin’.

Mun, they juist wadeed inti the river afore the horses crossed, without even rollin’ their troosers up.

An speakin’ o’ emblems, ee should’ve seen the size o’ the thistle that was caireed roond the toon.

Mun A thought A was guid at growin’ weeds but that must hev been some kind o’ record.

It was huge”.

The final words show how enjoyable the day had been for this person.

“A fair enjoyed eet, weel duin Langholm.

If eev no been, git yersel doon nixt year.

It’s right guid.

This description sounds suspiciously like Ian Landells or sumyin o’ that ilk.

The punctuation is perfect, right down to the last apostrophe.

But is he having a wee laugh at our expense when he heads his article “Slow Down, Here Comes Langholm” and starts “yone’s a guid sign, eh?”

I’ve always thought it a bit daft.

One Langholm mother got a gliff last Saturday when she headed for Lockerbie and ended up in Edinburgh.

She had gone to Lockerbie station to help Michelle Park who was accompanying the boys going to Struan for the rugby camp.

Michelle was seeing them as far as Edinburgh where she would put them on the next train to Blair Atholl.

Another mother had taken her car to help out with transporting boys and luggage as far as Lockerbie and had got onto the train just to give a hand, but when she turned round to get off again, the train doors had closed.

Frantically she summoned the guard who told her the train was already moving and there was no way it could be stopped before Edinburgh.

Her mouth fell open at these words and at first she thought the guard was joking.

But when the truth dawned, she just had to sit down beside Michelle and the boys and travel all the way to the capital .

She was given a ticket free of charge.

Husband Kenny was phoned to alert him to her situation.

Half of Langholm learned of Karen’s predicament before she and Michelle returned after a pleasant two hours’ shopping in the city and another train ride back to Lockerbie.

The rugby boys had all been texting on their mobile phones!

So all turned out well in the end.

But don’t go trying this ploy for a free train ride – it might misfire.